here i come

Sumtimes it is just the qway that god has set up. nothing could be change or undi we can stop time passing by. sadly we dun hav that kind of super power. so ya goin down there again makes me kind of uneasy because might not know wether it is bad or good news that they will give me. i pray god that everything goes well accordinly. seriously if not when im not here i dun think that my heart will be with me but home worrying. the on thing i could do now is hope for the best of it. everybody say she looks healthy and all but we might not know what is going on inside man and i cant take the risk that by looking at her surface. i dun want to see her faint on my arm again or just unconscious while she is sleeping. i cant. not for now.

chaos

Everything seem so blur and i`m angry. Kept on thinking i got so much to do and i dun know where to begin with. add to that i'm fucking lazy and i am sick of ppl telling me to do this and that. Yeah i dun have classes right now but i got so much in my head to figure it out. i felt like my brain dun have enough oxygen at all. it is suffocating. I AM SO LOST RIGHT NOW. i feel like dropping everything down and let it be.

FUCK THAT MAN. i really wanna shout it out and just drop dead on my bed.

Sadly, i can't because if i dont begin or dun do anything at all who will. nobody. so i guess i need to figure things out asap. otherwise everything will fall out into pieces. then everything it will be on me. which is very bad.

heart. life is unfair.

blank

when the sun is down your a different person and now my head is spinning around imagining things that i want it to be. i doubt it would come true. empty.

episode to another episode

he would just hold me and watch with me drama series.
he would just give me tissue because i would cry like a baby when i see sad moments.
he would talk to me when there are break time during the show.
he would just tease me when i`m too focus on it.
he would just wait for me when i`m done with the drama series.
he would be there to accompany me because i don't want to be alone and he knows it.


would he exist in my life? maybe or not.

a lil confused

it doesnt seem to bother me anymore. i`m just so lay back and just let it happen. i`m not worried anymore which is a lie if i said that but then not as worried as last time. i just let it be. i couldnt think so much of little stupid things anymore because it is so ridiculous. i mean like i didnt put effort or a little push on it. i just follow the step that i need to move. follow the flow as i always said which is what i am doing.....mhmmmm
but sometimes follow the flow doesn't seem right. it feels like i move the wrong direction or an old path that i have been through. what if i`m just going around the circle and not going forward? what if i`m lost? what if i couldnt find my way? can i get back up again even though i fall so many times?can i try again how it feels? how it hurts?
Yes, i have doubt that i could stand up again but then it takes a lot of courage and time to get back up and move forward. i think i could do it no matter what i have choose there is no turning back just do the best i could. make the right choice and work it out. it is no end of the world yet so i think i still have time to work it out, right? :)

stuff that i need to decide sooner or later

i have been searching university in melb and i still haven decide where to stay or where to study! which is frustrating, really. i really want to stay in the city but i`m afraid that it would be too expensive if i stay just outside the city i'm afraid that it would be difficult for me to go here and there. there is too much to handle and a lot of things to consider. anyway i need to make my decision soon.

city or outside the city?

the day finally came

my bro left to Negeri sembilan and i cried.

now i feel better than just now. keep on wondering in my head and thinking silly stuff. that stupid boy didnt sms me when he arrive over there but he sms my bro-in-law *wth watever la as long he arrive safely that fine with me. :)

anyway, i just found out that i always secretly like someone for a very long time but i`m not sure it is in that way. it always been like that every time we talk and stuff. sometimes i got confused and i end up forget the feeling and just let it be. recently its been different from last time. just very mutual thing and we just click in many ways. maybe it is just a crush. on and off thing. who knows i got too many things in my hand now. :(

1st = my college thing
2nd = clean the whole house (chinese new year is comin)
3rd = fix my car
4th = settle personal stuff
5th = help my bro to get into college
6th = take care of my step mum

ok, i just got tat first maybe later on there is more things that i need to do. what do to. my sisters are occupied with their own family who will take care of the family.

oh ya, i wanna go for a trip before class start seriously :(

the day he left

tomorrow my brother is going to NS camp which it is in Negeri sembilan ;(

i`m going to miss him like mad seriously.. i feel like tearing ;(
okey, maybe i`m over doing it but in my whole life I'm the one who is taking my brother since he was born cos i very very sayang him one.
Ever since my parents are separated, my brother and i always count on each other (i think)
no matter what happen, i'm always there for him cos i know it is my responsibility to take care of him becos parents arent always around.
we been through so much together so much sorrow and pain.
as we grow older, we get closer and i miss that. i always love my brother laying his head on my shoulder when he is sleeping, i felt the need from him.
my room is full of my brother and i pictures when we were young i love how we grow together and play together ( dun think the wrong way pls).
no matter how old he gets how mature he is or how he acts sometimes, i still love him.
he is my brat. my brother and i`m proud of him even though he is stupid sometimes and idiot ;P

he is going away for 3 months from me. he is growing up but to me he is still the small boy that always argue with me. heart.