laying on the bed

looking around. the blanket that i`m using feel so comfy and soft with my favourite petite-silky pillow that my mum gave it to me. how i wish that i could stay in bed for the rest of the day.i always have a fantasy when i woke up with someone i love. i find it very pure and genuine when you woke up with someone you love and love you back the same time.

my fantasy is that when i wake up from my beautiful dream my eyes will met his and just smile how he sleep just like a cute little boy. then i will use my finger to brush his hair slowly and softly just to feel his hair. Slowly my finger run through his lips that is where i kiss him. when he is awake he would hug me tight and kiss my shoulder and say "good morning" and smile. we would just spent the whole day in bed and we would be reading, talking and looking at each other eyes. and also most of all, we would just hug each other and just dream.

it is hard to believe that it would happen.
i doubt it.
that my fantasy is just another dream.

slowly faling for you? maybe not

i`m not complaining or nagging

i guess if i start liking him
i would lose a friend
i rather not
cos he is a good friend
i don't want to lose him
;)

what is going on, i demand?

" i don't even know, my dear"

murder

these dreams that i'm dreaming are so bizarre and confusing for the pass few days. but one thing for sure, it was a dream of someone wants to kill me. in these dreams i was running away from this killer and i was hurt badly for few times. after i wake up from my dream, i will have a massive headache. kinda of afraid to sleep for the pass few days, seriously. i wonder what does it mean.


okey, i just check what does it mean and there it goes.

Killing
To dream that you have been killed, suggests that your actions are disconnected from your emotions and conscience. Alternatively, the dream refers to drastic changes that are happening in your life. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of or a habit that you want to end within yourself. Killing represents the killing off of old parts of yourself and old habits.

Murder
To dream that you are murdered, suggests that some important and significant relationship has been severed and you are trying to disconnect yourself from your emotions. It also represents your unused talents.

mhmmmm... i don't know...

the dreams that i`m having feel so real i though i was hurt when i wake up. i wanted to wake up from my dream but i can't. i tried and i know i was dreaming but i can't stop. maybe i wanted to know how does it end. did i die or not? who is the killer? how does it end?

i know it's silly... i just can't figured it out why.
i guess it is just another horrible nightmare hopefully.

clock is ticking

this coming sunday my finals result will be publish and i would know whether i have pass my subjects or not. i`m not really worried about anything at all because i am having holidays? i think or maybe because it didn't really bother me because what has done is done there is no turning back. wish for the best la there is nothing i could do not right. why would i want to cry and worried about it when it is not the time yet, am i right? mhmmm dun know la.

Soon, i need to go back to college and ask about the transfer to Australia. yes i am going Australia and study there soon (about mid of next year i hope). i told few of my frens about it especially Ezra and Rastam. they aren't happy about it because i`m going for like quite awhile. i know what they are thinking and sure i would miss them like hell. i guess it is just hard for them for me going, even though it may sound ridiculous for some of you all that i`m just going for like one or two years why would want to be sad about. But to them, I meant the world to them and so are they to me.

because we are family Me, Ezra and Rastam. even though we have different race, skin colour, parents and siblings we can read each other mind. *i know sound scary eh



definitely
there are some other frens that i love and care for... you know who you are.. if you don't mean you never care to notice ;)

haunts me back

i find it
stupid,
pervert,
annoying,
unreasonable,
disgusting
and more more
awful words
that i couldn't describe,
it is just horrible cos
the fear that couldn't
even open your mouth to speak.

the glimpse of the past

I just finish talking to my very very old friend of mine. my best friend, used to be. time pass so fast without realizing. we are growing so fast with not acknowledging. to be honest, i don't what happen between my best friend and i, we use to be so close and now just like a hi and bye friend. so sad right and i miss her, for seriously. i miss those time we had.

Unfortunately, what is past is the past could never turn back and change it. i guess we realize that we have our differences or maybe we just grew apart or maybe we weren't suppose to be best friends. i don't know and I'm not trying to figured it because what i have now, it is the best for me and i never regret it. i am grateful and appreciate what i have now, without it i don't think i would be who i am right now.

But sometimes, i wish things never change....

when it is the right?

Sometimes i think that god want something better for me. That is why it took so long or maybe not. People always said that soon or later it would come and it would be the one. i don't know. how long does it need to take again? when it is my time to come? it is not that i`m not happy where i am now. just that, sometimes i do want to feel that feeling again and take my breath away. the feeling that it could describe by words and the heavy heart in between. i want to feel the touch from my lips to his and hold on tight with each other like time stop for just us. the moments. what could i say i do want to feel love again. who doesn't right? but sometimes it takes a great scarify and effort for both. i just miss those moments that all. the moments that i could never forget and i hope to make new ones in the future. beautiful and lasting ones i hope.

i`m not perfect, just another human.

soon or later

finally, my stressful days has come to an end
but not quite yet
need to wait for the result to come out *finger cross
only i will feel relief ;D

FOR NOW, i get my freedom

but then i will find something to do
for my holidays
3 months holiday !

WOOOHOOOO

no joke :)

1 down 2 to go

finally exam have started,
after this coming wednesday
i will be having holidays for like almost 3 months ;D

OOhhh YEEaahhh!!!


mhmmm.... wondering....




another year soon be pass just like a blink of an eye
and i`m getting older.

Learn

human are such a predictable creature
but don't underestimate it
it might drag you down
and pull you up again

what a horror.

just another human

why can't said straight from your heart
and not to go around and around
just to get to the point of it
i`m so confused by people
saying this and that
i don't even know which is true or false
what could i say
we are human
which have million gazillion of expression
i`m not blaming nor complaining about it
just saying that
sometimes, we just need to say it out
straight...

i hope it is that easy...but it isn't.

little men

quite disappointed of you, little ones
you are just too dangerous for me.

spinnig around my head

i been drinking heavily during friday and saturday which was fun but there is too much drama going on until my brain hurts like shit.

on friday nite, it was kind of a gathering party in ezra house. it was not bad quite fun only some stuff which kind of bothers me. it is quite stupid to think too.

on sat, my mum and her friends decided to go genting so i tag along suppose to like teman my mum during the weekend. so i followed since she hasnt been going out and have fun. i felt bad furthermore it is just satying like one night.. one hell of a night i would say.

like i said before.. i was drinking in ezra party not enough sleep then in genting drinking more and more + not enough sleep sumore equals to sick...kind of... feeling crappy now but not tat sick sick la still fine ;D

no pictures and seriously this the first time i drink tat much man..no joke.