the way i want it

the things you say

2011-03-14T10:31:00.004+08:00

explaining why am i upset and doubt myself in some way then you said:

"baby, u know what your good at?
your good at making others feel good about themselves
people often dont remember the things you have done
but they always remember how you make them feel"

slowly tearing up after that you said:

"the most important relationship u will have in life, is that with yourself"

you just made my day as always

miss you :)

couldnt bare it

2011-03-13T09:02:00.002+08:00

it hurts to see you guys
just go without me
not even a simple call or text me
whether i would love to join
no, not even one
i guess i'm nobody to guys already
i ask you to call but you didn't
i gave you one last chance
i have enough trying so hard to be there
trying to fit in
trying everything i could to actually ignore it
but it is just to obvious
that you guys just forget about me
that is what you call good friends of mine
i don't know what happen between us
what i have done or say wrong
you guys just cant treat me this way
and just cut me off
it hurts so badly
because i was there for you guys went you need me
i don't deserve to treat this way
i really don't.

summer holiday

2011-02-18T01:10:00.002+08:00

its been awhile since i write anything here after i got back to my home country, Malaysia. When i got back, a lot of things has change that im not use to it but slowly i do and accept the fact that the world changes so does people. This summer holiday has been wonderful, meeting new friends and doing things that i dont do often. It just feel great and i feel like i have grow or maybe change or maybe not :)

Spending a lot of time with my family and friends and most of all i met someone which i never though in mind that i would. Come to think of it, it comes so natural and just simple. I love what we are which is drama-less though i complain and nag and nag about stuff but i like the accompany, i love being around with him. Nothing more or less. How simple is that. Easy to say but not easy to be done. i have to agree with that.

i have realize few things about friends too. i have to admit what i have see, feel and think. i shouldn't avoid, denying and just accept it. i need to be more honest to myself but it is hard to do however i will try. Nothing is impossible right?

And also i feel like i have disappointed my dad because i didnt do well in my exam and i have change my university. i feel bad for this whole time and i promise myself i will do better and not fool around. i just wanna say im sorry to you, dad. He has been really supportive and has not object anything i do. i know he disagree in something but he didnt lash out i guess because he just want me to do my own thing and im big enough to make decision. Im grateful that i get to go oversea and study. Thank you fro everything dad and i love you.

it has been really emotional trip for me. it makes me miss more of it. im going back to Aussie this sunday which is just in few days. How i wish sunday doesnt come that fast.

come home

2010-11-24T08:41:00.003+08:00

before i fly back to Malaysia and yes it has been a month since i post something for that im sorry :) i have my own reason and other stuff have been going on.

This semester has really impact me in many ways. i feel more confident about my sexuality however my social skill here isnt that good. Kind of hard to mix around here but what the heck i will try again next year when i come back. im not gonna just let it be. About my studies, im kind of disappointed myself and i will study harder next year, really i will. i cant risk it anymore. Many bad and good things happen im not gonna say it cos it is going to be a long story and really long one, gosh you have no idea.

Anyway im glad im here and get to know this country a little bit. Next year im gonna make an effort for it :)

For now, i will be going back to my own country and just spend time with my family, friends and love ones.

things arent getting easier

2010-10-24T20:24:00.002+08:00

This year i really think it is pretty bad year for me and my family. im not thinking negative or being emo. it just that the things had happen and stuff. im trying to be positive or maybe it is destiny or faith. No one could really stop it. Maybe god wants me to overcome all the bad situation. who knows, really?

This year, i really have experiences all kind of things that i never though it would happen but anything is possible right? i know that it is not that major thing but for me, it is kind of a experience and learn how to deal with it. When your alone and there is no one is there and help you, you need to deal it alone.

i have been handling it quite okay. i admit, i have few breakdown but i never give up or just walk away. im still stood where i am and what im doing. i need to motivate myself more and get determination. i know what im doing and i know what i want. However, what ever happens i will try to deal with it.

All i need is a little bit of faith and hope. it will be alright.

its been great

2010-10-11T15:57:00.002+08:00

Miss Wong Lynn Li and Mr Dennis Pang Ngai Hong
come to Melbourne, Australia
for holiday!
from 5th to 10 of october
it been an exciting, tiring and fun week
and also i skip some class for them :P

We went to a lot of places
but basically shopping
like there is no tomorrow
and we eat some nice food
and not forgeting
we went clubbing (which is okey)
oh yeah, also drinking session with other frens too

we had a lot of fun
and this is our first time traveling together
and going places together
im glad that you guys come
because you guys kill the boring-ness
i dun feel lonely at my own apartment
and now i miss you guys :' (

Anyho i will be back soon :)
Hope that you guys enjoy the trip!
a very short one, how nice if you guys stay a little bit longer
.hearts.

Run as fast as you can

2010-10-04T15:40:00.000+08:00

First of all, my building got fire because of the stupid nando's restaurant downstairs got some kitchen or technical problem. So everyone has to evacuate the building. Lucky i wasnt asleep yet actually i was about too but someone knock my door and ask me to run downstairs and get out of the building. I quickly grab my PASSPORT and my bag which has my wallet and my phone. I quickly walk downstairs and meet up with my friend. Just when i realize i was wearing shorts outside! freezing cold! and people look at me like i wasnt wearing anything, fucking embarrassing.Seriously it was one of a kind experience, nvr though it would happen.

Oh yeah, there were 5 firetrucks!
hahahhahaha!
so many of them!
in m'sia where got like that!
damn chun lo :P
ok, abit jakun now

When i was going out of my apartment, i can smell the heavy smoke and i started to panic and thinking everything i had in my apartment is gonna be gone. Lucky it wasnt a big fire or anything. So i still have my stuff :)

After 3 hours of clearing the building and checking everything alright, we get to go back to our own room. I can smell the heavy smoke in my room so i open the window to that the smell will go away. i was still feeling a bit shaky and unsettle in some point

I wanna talk to someone
but no one answer my call
not even my best fren
i feel so down
i just need someone to talk to me
so that i dont feel so scared
Lucky, i got my brother
he talk the whole night
keep me company which makes me feel better
im glad i had him :' )
so touch

After what i have encounter, i know that life sometimes surprise us in many ways. we cant just expect thing as it is. i guess we need to be prepare for it or maybe not. Probably later in life there is more things for us to encounter :)

as straight as a ruler

2010-09-29T15:10:00.002+08:00

i dun know what we are doing, what we are feeling or whatever we are facing. i just dun because the more i think about it, the more complicating things are and the more it hurts me. You just shoot me on the spot without hesitating and im just speechless. i guess just leave things as they are now until im back home. whatever it is.

Just so u know

2010-09-25T14:46:00.002+08:00

let's just say that im dont want to care anymore and just wanna live another day like there is no tomorrow. that is what i am doing now and i shoudnt even think of it anymore. focus on myself rather that the stupid pyscho twisted mind of yours. cant wait to do something new and fantastic :)

convince me that u didnt lie

2010-09-23T14:27:00.000+08:00

calm and just live another day
the words you say
the sentences that you describe
the twist of your words
i just cant handle
saying one thing to another
i aint some girl that you compare with
and see who is better
im some girl, alright
one in a million kind of girl

you has not change a bit
twisted-liar

Again

2010-09-23T09:23:00.002+08:00

you put me on top of the mountain
and now you drag me down like im no one
u want me, earn me then
why? why?
you must come back
when you have no one
when you cant be alone
and now your not alone
you are just too busy
whatever
i heard enough of your lame excuses
i heard enough of your pithiness
i feel such a fool when you telling me lies
again and again and again.

what is worst?

2010-09-22T16:59:00.003+08:00

a. my laptop crash at this time where i still got assignment to do
b. feeling the my friends dont need me anymore
c. my family has change and afraid that things aren't the same (not that close)
d. im still single? and have no dates

i dun know which one to choose

2010-09-09T10:38:00.001+08:00

frustration & speechless

who could i count on

when i feel all alone

in this building fill with unknown

judgement and criticism

Their mind has set of perception

on me

as an Asian

a Chinese

there is a saying

"Never judge a book by its cover"

Tomorrow is Monday

2010-09-05T13:37:00.002+08:00

One week short break just pass so fast. Now it is the time not to slack around anymore :( it gonna be a tough one and need to be concentrate! hopefully :P Seriously nothing much this week break. most of the time at home or at my fren place as usual which is just pretty good. Get some good rest before start the battle, right? Anyway, i kind of miss class cos im already bored :P so yeah!

STUDY STUDY STUDY!

wish me luck.

the other side of you

2010-09-04T13:22:00.000+08:00

Friday night was good

wine become shots of tequila

they say the more the merrier

the room was crowded of people

some we just know but some we just met

it was a great night than the usual ones we had

it feel awkward and weird out a bit

who cares as long we had fun, right?

I walk back at 3.00 am down to the not-so-lonely streets

back to my humble place

I see you

the other side of you, not drunk or sleepy

you were you

glad to know that you are actually sweet

in my heart, i secretly hope that you were better

if you were, i think i will fall in love for you

but sadly, that will not happen

it is best to keep this distance between us

not so close but close enough.

Never say never

2010-09-01T19:27:00.003+08:00

Im having a short break right now and soon it will end. I need to start studying soon for the big exam. I really want to be prepare because i dont know the exam format and stuff. Hopefully i could do it! I need determination and fully concentrate for my subjects which is 4 of them! I wonder how it will go. mhmmmm :P

Im kind looking forward to the end of the year in Melbourne. Hopefully i could get to do something new and explore the place :) and i cant wait for Rastam and hopefully Lynn to come down and also Mr Norman Teh who might be coming on october *finger cross! to come down and visit! :)

How i wish that thing would go as it is plan but it will never happen. HA HA!

that is life.

the things you say i still dont believe

2010-08-31T18:48:00.002+08:00

one thing that i learn

after all the mess and breakdown

never fully trust a men's promise

whatever they say

it doesn't mean it will happen

it is just a might

it is not that i am discriminating

it is what i learn

deal with it.

little road trip on a good sunny sunday

2010-08-24T14:20:00.001+08:00

Great Ocean Road is where we heading

Almost half a day to reach that place

Though it is just to see a few big rocks on a beach

But the scenery was breathtaking

It was a worth while waiting.

A big crowd is all you need

for a little trip like this

it taking longer to reach

but the whole journey

was all about fun and joy

it was a worth while joining

thanks :)

Wine is not my thing

2010-08-22T14:31:00.000+08:00

On a Saturday Night, we had a nice dinner cook by my frens. it feels like home again when i drink my favourite ABC soup. It was really nice of them to cook i think they enjoy doing it but we pay the money to them on what they hav buy for the ingredient to be fair and also the wine for the night. We play Circle of Death and True or Dare ( different version)

It was really a fun night and i was so tipsy almost drunk because i am not good at wine at all! i get easily tipsy by wine, really. Then after that they wanna go to Crown to gamble but i decline because the next day im going to Great Ocean Road with a bunch of friends.

They want me to stay till the sunrise so that we could go for breakfast but i cant cos i promise my other frens that im going for that trip. Im sorry guys! but what to do i cant just ffk ppl! it is bad :P

ANYWAY, i really had a fun night and thanks, really :)

good things happen if you pray hard

2010-08-20T18:37:00.002+08:00

the whole morning going back and forth

thinking "what if"

kept on holding my phone and looking at the time

each minute pass makes me more anxious

in my mind wondering how it goes over there

at 3.05pm, finally got a call from home

it was my brother

first thing he ask was where am i?

i told him how it goes with the surgery?

he told me that everything is fine

the surgery was a success

i felt so relief, i just smile and wanted to cry

but i didnt because it is a good thing

i shouldnt cry, i should feel glad and lucky

Now, just need to wait and see

how her recovery is.

Hopefully everything gonna be alright. :)

it seems like things are coming back and haunt us again

2010-08-17T18:57:00.002+08:00

i dont really know what to say.

im kind of loss in some way.

im feeling kind of hopeless in a way.

What could i do when im so far away?

What should i feel when im so far away?

All i could do is pray.

Pray that god would save her soul once again

Pray that things would go smoothly as it is

Pray that i could see you again when i come home

Pray that i could hold you tight and say everything gonna be alright

i know that things cant help as it is

i know that things sometimes doesnt go in my way

i know that i will always be there though im far away

i know that no matter who you are, i still love you

i dont care what happen in the past

all that matter to me is that you be alright

that you could go through this again

that you would see me graduate and

tell me that you are proud of me

please dont give up now

i still need you, tai ma.

Toboggan

2010-08-16T18:44:00.000+08:00

I went to Mt buller on saturday, Mt Buller is a place where you could play snowboard, skiing, snow war and other things which related to snow la! I join my fren because they are going in a group which is way much more fun.

Before saturday and i was suppose to sleep early on friday night because need to wake up early like 4 am! so what happen was on friday night went dinner at my aunty house we had homemade soup! it was really nice and i feel warm cos it is homemade :)

after that my another fren text me and ask me to come over if i wan to so im like okay since i got nothing to do and i got home early. So went to my fren place, we all going crazy and play truth or dare *secret

At my fren place around at 4 am :P then quickly went back home bath and change into more warmer clothes cos Mt Buller is really cold and it is a snow mountain so yeah.

Anyway the point is i nvr sleep at all! HAHAHAHAH i know went i got back on saturday 8 something at night after Mt Buller i was dead tired! seriously! but it is so worth it cos i had a lot of fun :)

thanks guys!

a quick one

2010-08-11T10:02:00.004+08:00

how i wish the words you say come true
the way you say it, makes a little hope in my heart
that i actually believe in them
but who knows
a human mind changes all the time
maybe later on you might said another thing
and forget about it
but those words you say just made my day no matter it come true or not
because you actually think about it
it is good enough for me
just to put a smile on my face.

ze weekend

2010-08-10T13:04:00.002+08:00

it was insane, for me. kind of :P i got really tipsy on friday then i got really drunk on saturday and finally i was hammer on sunday. Not bad i never done this before so it is not bad. My lips are so dry cos of the drinking session i guess or may it is the cold weather. I meet some new people which is good i need to meet more people. i try to like keep myself occupied and enjoy myself here.

GAWD, i just realize that i got so little time for my studies this semester. Almost every week either there is a test or assignment due or online test! OMG! hopefully i can get through it. i need more time! need a PLAN!

Sorry people haven been taking pictures. i will soon promise when i am not so busy!

drama rama lama

2010-08-06T11:48:00.002+08:00

Oh gosh, last nite it is like a convention of a horror drama but it was kind of fun cos like i get to know everyone in Jeng place. Before that i met up wit Hazel, Jocelyn and Jeng for dinner near by my place. The food was not bad, just the steamboat not nice at all. After that i suggested to go and see Jeng place since i got nothing to do the whole nite so why not.

Everyone went to Jeng place and it is quite reasonable the place. i might consider there for next year, maybe! see how la.

Then i get to catch up wit Jeng and Hazel, we talk like non-stop about everything. Oh yeah there is a drama going on. it is like a war! LOL, seriously anyway then i get to meet Jeng roommates though i since them around during VU time i dun think they know me :P

so yeah. oh yeah i get to meet terry also, he look so messy and frustrated. A lot of things happening in their house, really. Hopefully things will get better for all of them. Anyway i stay there till like 2.30am?

Like i said we were all having a convention! LOL! it was nice meeting them all, really.

Another nite just pass, how i wish it is the end of the month :P

rewind

2010-08-05T15:44:00.002+08:00

it feel so familiar
it feel so warm
it feel so true

how i wish it is true
but it is not the simply

why couldn't it be just that simple?

because we aren't just that simple.

if only all men were like this

2010-08-02T19:36:00.002+08:00

lies and strategy

2010-08-02T19:21:00.002+08:00

On sunday, my fren and i are going to have steamboat at my fren place which is pretty cold and they have a balcony! so nice :) Before we head to their place we go buy the materials and sparkling wine :D

We had tomyum steamboat! awesome! i love steamboat in winter. damn syok! makes me more miss malaysia food :( Anyway we had a nice chat and talk like non-stop! it was fun and i really like it. Thanks to them i dont feel so lonely during weekends. Seriously thet are reaallly nice and funny people to hang out. im looking forward for more events!

After makan, we play poker! for the first time i play poker and i win! LOL i love to be the dealer :) and we bet on like drinking beer, eat wasabi and other stuff for this coming weekend! cant wait! to see their faces! HA HA HA

Nothing much after that, we just stop playing cos it is getting late so we just talk about everything. life, experiences, friendship and a lot of stuff.

i enjoy myself that nite :)

oh yeah i got test on wednesday!!! damn fast :(

into the city, i go *3

2010-07-31T22:26:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, went out dinner wit one of my old fren and with her frens too. 4 of us take the tram and head down to docklands. Right after we step out of the tram the firework just started. it was beautiful and romantic. Every friday at docklands there will be fireworks i dun know why. it was quite windy that nite maybe it is because it is near to the sea i guess. anyway we have sum ribs and lamb which is not bad. i also get to know my fren frens. we talk a lot and i really have fun.

After dinner, they bring me to casino!!! HA HA HA but i never gamble it is not my thing i feel that i have bad luck if i gamble. 2 of them gamble a bit. Ok sumthing freaky happen, this is the conversation

Fren 1 : hey, what should we bet?
Me : let's bet on small

conclusion : yes, it came out small but sadly my fren didnt believe me bet on big

Fren 1 : okey, this time what should we bet?
Me : 6

conclusion : yes, i got it right again! but my fren still dun believe me bet on 4

Fren 1 : okey celia this time i believe you what number?
Me : 13 (random pick but feeling lucky on it)

conclusion : yes it happen again1!!! my fren bet on it and we got shock!

HAHHAHAHAHA! 3 time in a row wei!! wth!but the 4th time no luck already

so my fren stop playing and we head down to melbourne central and drink. the stupid Heineken taste so yucky!!! makes me sore throat. never drink that again i gonna drink hoegarden :) my favourite. we play sum game it was quite funny :D Then my fren is hungry go get sum LORD OF THE FRIES! they are awesome delicious! i love them.
head out to my place for awhile then cioa.

conclusion : i had a fun nite :)but didnt catch fish that nite :P

such a long week

2010-07-29T22:18:00.000+08:00

this week i feel the time fly by takes so long. it is only the end of the week of July. i was hoping for the end of week of August, sadly it isnt. This week it is my first week of studying in RMIT, it went okay but i feel like it is so hard to make friends here. i think i need a thicker face and have sum guts to go up to people. People here is like sticking to your own group and not all of them are that friendly. Hopefully i could go through this depression. Anyway overall i like sum of my classes which is not bad and i like my timetable :) oh except i dun like my team mates but i no choice :(

hopefully i could go through this all disaster.

pray and finger crossing.

bloody hell

2010-07-29T13:59:00.002+08:00

i though you were someone that i could count on when im here.
i though you were suppose to be tour guide like as you promise to
i though we suppose to do everything together in class
i though that you were my really good friend
i told you everything, everything that i about secret
i feel like a fool
because you didnt keep your promise
you tell me how excited you were when i am coming here
now you just avoid me like a fucking stranger
all men lie
fucking liar
i never ever want to trust so easily to anyone
when they promise me something
i dont even want to hear or think about it

i dont want to talk to u ever.

into the city, i go *2

2010-07-27T19:04:00.002+08:00

day 3, it was a saturday i got nothing to do and no one ajak to go out like in malaysia. I brought some dvd to watch so i wouldnt be so bored. i slept early cos i am so freaking tired cos of the few days didnt really sleep well. Something happen later at nite and i realize that men are so predictable. i realize what i know want and need from them. if they dont have it, so they arent the one for me. i feel that i overcome the situation after all the breakdown and the pain in my chest. I finally can handle those kind of situation. I feel good and not bad. i can move on like any other day.

I aint that weak anymore :)
and i am proud.

into the city, i go

2010-07-24T16:13:00.002+08:00

ok, i have finally settle down in the city. PEOPLE! but honestly it is kind of boring if you know the place well enough. there is not much going yet. hopefully when i start class, things will get better though. OH YEAH, i love my room, it is awesome! will post picture soon in fb :) ok i will update you what i have been doing since i move in!

DAY 1

in morning till nite around 10 somthing, moving my things back and forth. i dun know i have that much stuff! omg! damn a lot of exercise wei... which is good :) freaking tired then wait for my fren to come over. He promise he will come and sleep over and he did :) but damn late onli come.stupid fellow but anyway it was nice of him to accompany me cos it is my first nite :) we chat and watch some movie. it was all good :)

DAY 2

morning and afternoon, nothing much to do. going in and out of my studio apartment cos carrying so many things!!! then go do my rmit card and i didnt know that i need to bring my freaking passport so go back and take. Lucky for me i live near by. fucker wei :P

at nite, my another fren bring me go drink and the pub just next door. it is my first time drinking in melbourne, it was so nice and relax. get to know few people though :) random things happen :) not going to write here, it is private but one thing i can say is that i had a great nite :P

that all for now. today nothing much happen so yeah :) going to stay in :)hearts

this is how i describe of you.

2010-07-21T09:47:00.003+08:00

never change

2010-07-20T22:04:00.002+08:00

ok, i am over thinking stuff, really. i read back and forth, still don't understand why he doing this. it turns out that he already have something in mind. another disappointment, i guess i am soft hearted and always giving people another chance. At least now i know that he is those kind of people who didn't deserve for me to give another chance. lucky i know it early if not i might just get another breakdown. Like i have said, i am over thinking the whole situation.

the point is, he will never change.

surprisingly

2010-07-19T22:50:00.002+08:00

after many years, i just notice he is actually a good listener and easy to talk to :) quite funny himself too. it is good that we get to talk cos we hardly talk to each other last time. I hope that we would be close cousin. i am surprise that he come and knock my door. He talk to me. Wow.... it kind of amazing how people change and what they become. Im glad that your my cousin and we get to chat quite a lot of stuff. Anyway when you come back from holiday, i tell you more about our family and stuff or maybe anything hopefully :)

envious is a bitch

2010-07-19T15:38:00.002+08:00

looking at my friends in fb seeing them having so much fun and im not there to share. kind of hurts and makes me miss more back home cos of everyone. I guess i need to deal with it when you are going oversea and study. Hopefully i will get occupied with something cos seriously i feel bored and pathetic like nothing to do. i dont really like so freaking long holiday some more with out my friends and family!it doesnt mean i dont have a good time, i do but i need excitement and some sort of adventure. really....

i guess i just miss back home.

to be in control

2010-07-18T12:33:00.002+08:00

something really funny thing happen

i don't know it is a good thing or a bad thing

but one thing i know

is that i need to be in control

to make myself secure

not easily hurt

and most of it

i need to know what i want

maybe i do

or maybe not

it all depends on the time

i need to figure it out on my own

i think i don't think too much

and just let it be :)

i rather do that

.heart.

dont you get it!

2010-07-16T20:34:00.003+08:00

motherfuckingcunt! i never been so mad! fucking idiots! ok, you guys may think that i am stupid and not doing anything! as you know! they accept me with one condition which is sending my previous result which is last sem! dont you get it! omg! if you were here, you would just get it!!! but nooooooo....... you just know you are smart enough, fucking bitch! if only you read the letter!

RMIT ACCEPT WITH ONE CONDITION! WHICH IS SENDING MY PREVIOUS RESULT!

if i dont, means i cant enroll! i got no one to talk so ya this post is for me just to clear my anger off!

You may think i am doing nothing but i am! i am trying my best to solve this stupid problem. you have no idea!

FUCK THAT LA!

damn that stupid fucking result

2010-07-15T12:26:00.002+08:00

ok, what happen was i suppose to get my all my result from all four subject on Monday 12/7/2010 but then one of my subject didnt come out! the reason why is that one of my assessment, the professor didnt know receive which is an individual work and it inform like just last week! they should have inform me earlier cos i sent it asap and orginally, i sent the assessment like a month ago? in May.

why oh why must they inform me so freaking last minute!

because of this, i cant enroll into RMIT! :( hopefully things are gonna be fine!

and hope that RMIT would let me enroll first then later on i give them my result which is just only one subject!

PISS AND FRUSTRATION!

oh ya, i really did well this sem! so happy! :)

it is just the beginning

2010-07-10T20:33:00.003+08:00

i finally found the perfect spot where i will be living for this semester. the place is just nice and spacey and i love the big windows! thumbs up for that. These day been shopping and finding place for me to live and also exploring places around. it been great though but sadly my mum has to go back to Malaysia. She just left early today, i cried and she cried too. i will be missing her nagging and complaining but most of all i miss her. i'm worried that she gone be alone.

i guess this is the real beginning for me since my mum has left. the feeling is not i want to feel.

a little bit of sadness, a little bit of loneliness but a little bit of excitement. a mix feeling.

i wonder things back home is alright or not? i also wonder things here is gonna be better?

i hope so cos i'm starting to miss home a little. hearts.

morning flea market

2010-07-04T19:24:00.003+08:00

OMGAWD, i slept at 4 am and woke up at 10 am totally forgot about the flee market that my aunty have mention to me :$

anyway, went for the flee market and everyone is there from small to big even dogs. it was fun and super oldies stuff. i get to see a lot of good stuff though :)

i brought sum super-unique-one-of-a-kind-stuff-kind of cheap like that over there! a lot of it is selling second-hand things that they dont want. they even sell bra! wth T.T funny though

after flee market, come back to my aunty house and have sum really awesome lunch! STEAMBOAT during winter... nice and relaxing and syok! it was really nice just sitting outside cold and eat steamboat, syok wei! :D

ya, that about it :)

FYI, photo upload in fb.

disco feeling

2010-07-02T16:12:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, went to the city to check out my university, RMIT and also see sum apartment to see which one is available and how it looks like. Not bad some of it but then there is a limitation to it cos there is just a few location only. Hope i get it soon though then i dont need to wait and worried too much. fingers cross!

So, today went for ice skating in ICE HOUSE, for one person is $15 aussie dollar. The place is not bad and got music in the same time, nice music not like oldies music OK! i had a really good time with my mum, lil sis and my aunty uncle. my feet hurts though, i was so afraid that i wud actually fall! but i didnt :D

After the ice skating, i though we will be going back but NO... my lil sis is hungry and they wanna shop for awhile. my feet was killing me, but then i grab sum cheap stuff atleast :P

oh ya, i wear my boots for the first time :P loooking goood :)

how am i doing?

2010-07-01T16:26:00.000+08:00

MELBOURNE!

such a long way to walk around the city

seriously!

.hearts.

big shopping mall

2010-06-30T21:02:00.004+08:00

today, we went to the biggest shopping mall so called? i think. i wasnt really listening. sorry! it was not bad, all kind of store and a lot of sales but still quite expensive for me even cotton on! cos i need to times 3 ! i dont even know how to buy stuff now T.T seriously!

anyway i brought my very first boots! i love it! :)

people here, they are the same! really! i feel like unfit in awhile.

there goes my day. nite.

oh ya! i discover that milo in Australia taste like milk which is reaallly BAD!

cold and windy

2010-06-29T21:14:00.002+08:00

hey guy, finally im in melbourne feeling kind of weird at first and now still. maybe it is normal when someone is going to a stranger place.

ok before that, the past few days it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E, it is not what i have expected really! i will always remember and cherish it. my friends celebrate my birthday and my farewell at the same time which kind of sad and happy. i am so grateful that i have my family because they have done so much for me which i don't know how to describe it really. i just love them.

back to melbourne, i am so blur and a bit fuzzy. i just don't feel like me now. Maybe later on i will get use to it

to the weather

to the environment

to the people

to everything, i hope

wish me luck people, i really need it

will you come rushing to say good bye?

2010-06-06T23:40:00.000+08:00

i'm so frustrated by you, really

you have no idea how much you are to me

it is not like you are my whole life or whatever shit

i ain't a stalker or psycho

it just you mean to me as a friend

in my heart

i hope that you would come and say good bye to me

in front of me, gave a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek

but sadly i know that it wouldn't happen

even though i always hope for it

i know you quite well that you wouldn't

that you wouldn't do it

i will never have the courage to tell you this

that you are a really good friend to me

though you always say that we aren't that close

i don't really care

how many years we know each other

or any secret or whatever it is

all i know that you are my friend, a good one

you always have a little piece of my heart

tick tock

2010-06-03T14:53:00.003+08:00

it is just a short post cos gonna go soon

i am freaking-licious nervous, i dun know why

maybe cos i think so damn long never do it edi

and it is like been such a long time

i really hope it goes well

and not get any problem, seriously!

:) heart

within you

2010-06-01T22:41:00.002+08:00

Sometimes people just say things that

they think they are right and some how it hurts the other person.

you may think that they are a jackass

but later on when they apologize and try to make things right again.

they arent just any jackass, they are people who will look out for you.

they are a jackass but a little sweetness in it.

that is what i fall for.

that little sweetness.

when things gone bad

2010-05-31T01:22:00.003+08:00

you do the stupidest thing and it will go worst

it is now happening to me

cos of just one lil thing

and i act on it

which will come to a big consequences

i dun think i will survive

i have this feeling

that it is going to be a long nite

a long heartache nite

Late month

2010-05-27T13:35:00.004+08:00

ok, i know i been really boring person cos all i talk bout is my assignment and exam and etc etc

Well it is true!! but sum how i make myself like that.
Other than focusing on my studies i got nothing else to do.
Even though there are sum things that my siblings ask me to do but im kind of lazy or sumthing else :P

OK, i had an awesome MOTHER'S DAY with the whole entire family on my mother side. it was really fun, we eat like the whole day!! damn tiring and fat :P but it is so worth it and end up, sumone buy a cake and we sing Happy Mother's day song LOL for the first time!. it was different and sumthing really special cos everyone gather together as a family :)

Then here comes another thing where Lynn and the others host the ADVANCE Farewell party for me which i am so touch and HAPPY :) it is been such a long time since i go out and drink and club so ya kind of rusty edi :P im glad i know you, strawberry :)

Not to forget the stressful weeks i have it is insane and i got sick cos not enough sleep and stressing out of stupid assignment :(
HOWEVER, it is all pass cos no more assignment and NOW there is only 2 exam left for me to focus on!

OH YEAH!!
HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHE

oh ya, there is only like 1 month left and i haven start packing yet or meet all my fren :(
hope that i can do it all :)

the truth

2010-05-12T21:39:00.002+08:00

inside of me, slowly gaining these feeling that

i don't want to feel that i hope it wouldn't explode one day.

you were my partner in crime,

why are you hurting in a way that would make me feel better?

do you realize that now i am in a emotional stage?

You don't cos all you can think of its yourself

thinking that i will not make it, that i'm actually weak

Who i am today is what i choose to be

Even though you never realize some of the things that i do

some of the things that you don't even know

you may think i'm making a excuse

but it is what i think it is

the truth

Yes, sometimes what i do is pathetic and stupid

but it doesn't mean that i do it just for nothing

it is not that i want to get away from it

i just want to do what i want to do

isn't wrong? am i breaking the rule?

if your selfish enough to think about yourself

then what bout me? i have dreams too

i always been there no matter what

no matter where you go or what you do

can you just be there for me? just be happy for me

everyone say they are proud of me, why not you?

i'm hurt and it is sad that if you're not there till the end

i'm gonna prove myself that i can do it

because if i could make it this far, i think i could make it till the end

so ya i am not as weak as you think i am

see it yourself then.

it's a boy :)

2010-05-07T17:18:00.003+08:00

2th of May 2010

something happen

my sister gave birth to a child

called Kayven Ng

such a nice and unique name :)

he was so CUTE

every time he sleep, he always smile

i'm glad that my sister is alright with the baby

and finally she gave birth

cos her stomach is freaking huge!

if she doesn't there is sumthing wrong man

ANYWAY

that's all :)

speaking of the devils

2010-05-05T18:29:00.003+08:00

oh gosh

it is the month of MAY edi

time pass so fas,t it is gonna be middle of the year

and im going on JUNE

SHIT! so many things to do but so little time

as usual

MY timetable exam suck a lot

why?

i tell you why!

my first exam is on the 24th may (computer exam ITP)

THEN 26th may (written exam ITP)

AFTER THAT 10th june (IBC)

FINALLY 23th june (SBM)

CAN SEE THE BIG GAP OF TIME!?

it kind of suck

i though i could enjoy my lil holiday over here

before i go to AUS

but sadly i finnis my exam on 23th june

and my flight would be on 28th june

i got 5 days!

to meet everyone, pack everything and enjoy my time over here :(

hope everything goes well

*cross finger :P

ANYWAY

was doing my this assignment and i got to edit my photo!

finally :)

if wanna take these photo do tell pls :)

thanks

freaking-licious late

2010-04-16T13:56:00.005+08:00

i know i been MIA-ING i have my reason seriously i do :) which is that my stupid laptop cant detect my router so i cant like go surfing the net in my laptop

but NOW i can :P thanks to my retarded bro of mine :)

thank you

ANYWAY

it has been the most hectic-busy-stressful weeks

i mean weeks!

cos almost every week there's assignment to pass up

then sometimes will have tests

OH and not forget stupid presentations

which is a lot!

especially in PD2

PLUS, i need to deal with my documentation of

my transfer, accommodation, visa, health check?and etc etc

and clean my room!

i just realize that i have A LOT

like A LOT of stuff =.=

die on the spot

and i am still so calm and relax

like playing social city in fb

LOL

oh ya i need to sell my freaking electric piano

i still cant sell it!

my sister is gonna KILL me if i dun sell it before i go

or pack my things into boxes before i go

so little time but so many things to do

sad

ok guys this is for now ttyl *hearts*

Run as hard as you can

2010-04-11T15:24:00.000+08:00

First of all, my building got fire like last week ago because of stupid nando's restaurant downstairs got some technical or kitchen problem. So everyone has to evacuate the building, lucky i wasnt asleep, actually i was about too but someone knock my down and ask everyone quickly run downstairs. The first thing i grab was my PASSPORT! gosh it is really important man and also my bag which include my wallet and my phone.

When my friend and i were outside the building, i realize i was just wearing shorts! gosh so embarrassing! people must think i am not wearing anything! and it was freezing cold! Anyway before that, when i get out of my apartment, i can smell the heavy smoke and i was panicking. i got really scared, fuck it was one of a kind experience. Never though in million years that it wud happen to me. In one point i though my thing is gonna be gone but thank god, it was nothing big!

Oh yeah, there were 5 fire trucks!
which is a lot!
hahahahahahaah
can you believe it 5 fire trucks come :P
ok a bit jakun-ness

After for 3 hours, everything was clear and everyone can go back to their room. i was still a bit shaky and afraid and also i can smell the heavy smoke in my apartment so i open my window. i wait until the smell of the smoke is gone only i go back to sleep.

However, in that point
i dont know who to find
no one pick up my call
that i could share with my feelings
lucky, i got my brother
he talk to me the whole night
to distract me to think
we talk about everything
im glad i had you :')

After one of a kind experience, sometimes we think it wud nvr happen to us but who knows. Things might surprise you. i guess we need to be prepare for it :)

:)

2010-03-22T15:22:00.000+08:00

will be back soon.

Roof top

2010-03-06T22:35:00.000+08:00

it was a random plan
and the play was awesome and fun.
i really like doing this.
attending play, see gallery it just makes me smile just like that.

the sunway performaning arts are some good shit man.
they have a very good talent and you guys just rock on that play :)
Hope for the best for you guys.

Anyway, im thinking to be more involved the things that just makes my heart beat again.
i miss those days, really i do
i think im too caught up with people and studies.
i totally forget the things i love the most.
ART AND PASSION. heart

Bonjour

2010-03-04T10:22:00.002+08:00

it is week 2, there so many things to do and i have already feel the pressure of it. this sem i felt that im kind of lost, dun know what to do and just clueless in a way. Anyway im gonna make the best effort i can and be determine like last year which are listed below:

1. do assignment in advance

2. do my homework on weekend

3. be alert with my subjects (test/dateline/online test etc etc.)

4. STUDY for real (no more last min)

5. do the best as i can...

no more SLACKING! shit, i really need to make it work if not how could i survive in AUS :(

**crossing my finger....

2010-02-25T14:05:00.004+08:00

life is more than just in the bubble

it is outside of it
that makes us who we are
i guess.

today is the day

2010-02-19T19:55:00.002+08:00

Mhmmm finally my class is going to start and today we decide our timetable. I hate to like line up and choose the class we want and also frustrating like hell. if we are too late, we can go to the class we want. it sucks a lot. seriously. Anyway lucky i get all the class i want :P

im kind of excited to start class edi cos after a long holiday i miss studying :P i know right? but also that it is my last sem in Sunway cos i decide to go AUS in june to further my studies over there. im gonna miss my fren and all ;( this year im goin to make the best of it and try my best to study hard ;) most of all spend more time with my frens and family. DUH.....

Hope everything is good :D
wish me luck ppl ;)

the begining of the year

2010-02-15T19:41:00.003+08:00

hey people just wanna say

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

having a great time :P

goodbye love

2010-02-14T23:31:00.000+08:00

you are one hell important person in my life.
cos you inspire me
love

one of those moment

2010-02-09T22:32:00.000+08:00

You realize that it is kind of too late to say anything but good byes. one of those moments where it is too late to do anything but hope for the best for him. When the time has come, he walk to the gate to catch a flight, a plane that is going to bring him to where he is going to start his future. His eye just slowly become red and he cant help it but to walk around and hug everyone for goodbye. i cant even help myself that my tears are coming out so i walk behind of everyone cos i guess i was afraid that he will see me like that. That it hurts him to see ppl crying. Sumone who is close to me hugged me telling me that it is okey and it is going to be fine. i really appreciate that and im surprise she cried too. eventhough i might know him that well but he was a part of my memory in college and i really glad to know him as a friend. i`m gonna miss u, buddy.

hope for the best for you, Lee Kah Loon ;)

2010-02-04T16:29:00.001+08:00

do you know me?
i dont think so
good bye, bitchies.

pretty content right now

2010-02-01T11:24:00.000+08:00

these days i quite happy, i guess? mhmmm nothing much have been going on. basically just helping out my family with sum stuff and hang out wit my frens. that all i guess. nothing it is really HAPPENING in my life yet :P i hope soon cos i need sum excitement and sum drama going on man :) just jokin i dun need drama. i just need sumthing new for me to explore, maybe ?! who knows maybe soon when i starting my class. kind of sick of holidays though but then still lovin in every second of it :D ok I AM NOT COMPLAINING OF HOLIDAYS... hahhaha anyhow im feeling pretty much everything so ya im happy ;0

here i come

2010-01-19T16:01:00.000+08:00

Sumtimes it is just the qway that god has set up. nothing could be change or undi we can stop time passing by. sadly we dun hav that kind of super power. so ya goin down there again makes me kind of uneasy because might not know wether it is bad or good news that they will give me. i pray god that everything goes well accordinly. seriously if not when im not here i dun think that my heart will be with me but home worrying. the on thing i could do now is hope for the best of it. everybody say she looks healthy and all but we might not know what is going on inside man and i cant take the risk that by looking at her surface. i dun want to see her faint on my arm again or just unconscious while she is sleeping. i cant. not for now.

chaos

2010-01-13T21:40:00.002+08:00

Everything seem so blur and i`m angry. Kept on thinking i got so much to do and i dun know where to begin with. add to that i'm fucking lazy and i am sick of ppl telling me to do this and that. Yeah i dun have classes right now but i got so much in my head to figure it out. i felt like my brain dun have enough oxygen at all. it is suffocating. I AM SO LOST RIGHT NOW. i feel like dropping everything down and let it be.

FUCK THAT MAN. i really wanna shout it out and just drop dead on my bed.

Sadly, i can't because if i dont begin or dun do anything at all who will. nobody. so i guess i need to figure things out asap. otherwise everything will fall out into pieces. then everything it will be on me. which is very bad.

heart. life is unfair.

blank

2010-01-11T23:03:00.002+08:00

when the sun is down your a different person and now my head is spinning around imagining things that i want it to be. i doubt it would come true. empty.

episode to another episode

2010-01-10T17:30:00.002+08:00

he would just hold me and watch with me drama series.
he would just give me tissue because i would cry like a baby when i see sad moments.
he would talk to me when there are break time during the show.
he would just tease me when i`m too focus on it.
he would just wait for me when i`m done with the drama series.
he would be there to accompany me because i don't want to be alone and he knows it.

would he exist in my life? maybe or not.

a lil confused

2010-01-07T23:41:00.002+08:00

it doesnt seem to bother me anymore. i`m just so lay back and just let it happen. i`m not worried anymore which is a lie if i said that but then not as worried as last time. i just let it be. i couldnt think so much of little stupid things anymore because it is so ridiculous. i mean like i didnt put effort or a little push on it. i just follow the step that i need to move. follow the flow as i always said which is what i am doing.....mhmmmm
but sometimes follow the flow doesn't seem right. it feels like i move the wrong direction or an old path that i have been through. what if i`m just going around the circle and not going forward? what if i`m lost? what if i couldnt find my way? can i get back up again even though i fall so many times?can i try again how it feels? how it hurts?
Yes, i have doubt that i could stand up again but then it takes a lot of courage and time to get back up and move forward. i think i could do it no matter what i have choose there is no turning back just do the best i could. make the right choice and work it out. it is no end of the world yet so i think i still have time to work it out, right? :)

stuff that i need to decide sooner or later

2010-01-06T23:35:00.001+08:00

i have been searching university in melb and i still haven decide where to stay or where to study! which is frustrating, really. i really want to stay in the city but i`m afraid that it would be too expensive if i stay just outside the city i'm afraid that it would be difficult for me to go here and there. there is too much to handle and a lot of things to consider. anyway i need to make my decision soon.

city or outside the city?

the day finally came

2010-01-03T02:24:00.002+08:00

my bro left to Negeri sembilan and i cried.

now i feel better than just now. keep on wondering in my head and thinking silly stuff. that stupid boy didnt sms me when he arrive over there but he sms my bro-in-law *wth watever la as long he arrive safely that fine with me. :)

anyway, i just found out that i always secretly like someone for a very long time but i`m not sure it is in that way. it always been like that every time we talk and stuff. sometimes i got confused and i end up forget the feeling and just let it be. recently its been different from last time. just very mutual thing and we just click in many ways. maybe it is just a crush. on and off thing. who knows i got too many things in my hand now. :(

1st = my college thing
2nd = clean the whole house (chinese new year is comin)
3rd = fix my car
4th = settle personal stuff
5th = help my bro to get into college
6th = take care of my step mum

ok, i just got tat first maybe later on there is more things that i need to do. what do to. my sisters are occupied with their own family who will take care of the family.

oh ya, i wanna go for a trip before class start seriously :(

the day he left

2010-01-01T21:14:00.005+08:00

tomorrow my brother is going to NS camp which it is in Negeri sembilan ;(

i`m going to miss him like mad seriously.. i feel like tearing ;(
okey, maybe i`m over doing it but in my whole life I'm the one who is taking my brother since he was born cos i very very sayang him one.
Ever since my parents are separated, my brother and i always count on each other (i think)
no matter what happen, i'm always there for him cos i know it is my responsibility to take care of him becos parents arent always around.
we been through so much together so much sorrow and pain.
as we grow older, we get closer and i miss that. i always love my brother laying his head on my shoulder when he is sleeping, i felt the need from him.
my room is full of my brother and i pictures when we were young i love how we grow together and play together ( dun think the wrong way pls).
no matter how old he gets how mature he is or how he acts sometimes, i still love him.
he is my brat. my brother and i`m proud of him even though he is stupid sometimes and idiot ;P

he is going away for 3 months from me. he is growing up but to me he is still the small boy that always argue with me. heart.

6 more hours to go and it is 2010

2009-12-31T17:35:00.005+08:00

let's just say that i have a great year ;) okei...
no matter what happen good or bad let it all pass and look forward to the year of 2010.

kind of pump because i`m doing my major and i might be going to AUS on jun or july. i`m looking forward of new things and experience something interesting. or maybe i will hav a BF.. who knows ;P anyhow, i`m just excited because i hav an awesome year put aside all the terrible things happen i'm good, really.

believe me. i did.

recently

2009-12-30T22:59:00.002+08:00

christmas was great :)
and new year is comin soon....

time pass so fast that we never really realize it. so many things that had happen through out the year. bad and good ones. happy and sorrow ones. and i`m glad that things just turn out it should be.maybe. ;p

ANYHOW, as long i'm staying happy right? izit?

hehe, i dont know so malas to find out. i just follow the flow and see what is coming next for me, i guess. it feels like i'm just laying back and relax. just do what i need to do.

i just wanna say THANK YOU

for giving me a wonderful year
for making me grow stronger and wiser (i hope)
for giving me every chance that i need
for having such a awesome friends
for to be born in this family
and for being who i am.

thank you.

find

2009-12-29T23:08:00.002+08:00

i want someone to hold on when i fall
i want someone to make me laugh/smile
i want someone that motivates me
i want someone to wake up me on time to go to class
i want someone to know what i will do next
i want someone that could read my mind a bit
i want someone that could drive me here and there like a driver
i want someone to hold my hand when we are walking
i want someone to surprise me every time unpredictably
i want someone that needs me
i want someone that i could talk to until 6 in the morning
i want someone that could express his feelings to me
i want someone to love me unconditionally

basically i want a boyfriend....

christmas tree

2009-12-24T02:21:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish it would snow over here so that we don't need to waste our money on an expansive ticket to sumwhere else just to see snow. sad case right. anyway i love celebration. the semangat and the effort of everything. the feeling is just nice and comfy with some snow going on it would be just perfect in the right time, right place in a right moment.

<3 you, Christmas

everyone

2009-12-21T22:58:00.002+08:00

i miss the time we spend
i miss the laughter and the tears that we cried for
i miss the goofy moment we had
i miss the random-ness that we share
i miss the time where we tease each other
i miss that when we study and still can talk crap
i miss everything

i just miss
my friends

go figure

2009-12-21T01:34:00.002+08:00

sometimes it is just WEIRD
to feel just a moment of happiness
by just talking and laughing
that moment
feel that you were in love
but in reality
it is just a normal conversation
between a person to another
that is all.

not really a holiday but a wake up call

2009-12-19T21:51:00.002+08:00

hey people, must be wondering where am i ;)
maybe not ;(

i just got back from Singapore supposedly would be a trip of shopping mad-ness but end up going back and forward to the hospital.

my siblings, my step mother and i went to Singapore on last friday and shud be comin back like on the next tuesday but then my step mother has a heart attacked so admin to hospital straight away without hesitating. because it wasn't the first time she fainted like tat. she is damn lucky we were all there to hold her and not injury her head. everything went bad from a great shopping spree to a hospital visiting.

lucky she wasn't in a major position because of her heart attack. the doctor say she is really really lucky she could wake up again because most of it would have just be into a coma. i`m grateful and i am not ready to give up on her. not now. not this time.

i think it is my turn to be sick and tired after everything.
will continue soon....

just for you

2009-12-09T00:30:00.003+08:00

To my quite arrogant-but-nice friend,

i know since when i was form 4 when my friend gave me your number and be friends with you. it was a funny way how i know you. seriously, i found it kind of funny and slickly that i do that just to know you but i`m glad i did it if not we would be friend until now. when you speak your voice is so soft and gentle and also you speak with your own mind and ideas, a vision of your own. even though sumtimes you are kind of snobbish and a bit cocky and bad temper but you wouldn't hurt me in any way except that you always ffk me *those were the time ;) . you know i have the tolerance and patient u always do. that why we are still friend. i`m sorry that sometimes i give up our friendship because there were some misunderstanding and you make me insane sumtimes *seriously. however, i never give up because i know that you are always true to me no matter how things turn bad and ugly. you would always be honest with me and tell me the ugly truth but when i`m upset about it that hurts me a lot you would turn back and apologize and also comfort me just to make me smile again. you have teach and educate me in so many ways, i just love it. every time we talk about stuff, it will revolve in many ways and we always help each other help. even though, you have many friends that could talk to and comfort with but i don't really care because you told me stuff that you would never share *i think and i`m glad that i`m part of your life and your part of mine. there are many things that i could say about you bad or good though you think that we aren't that close but i think we are, just for me. you are a special friend for me. and i love you, friend.

by,
your very interesting- retard friend ;)

the bride and the groom

2009-12-07T00:00:00.002+08:00

weddings are freaking tiring, seriously. especially when everything is running out of time and rushing like a mad cow. ish. the weekends i have attend two wedding dinner the 1st one is from my dad company and the other is my cousin from my dad side. Both dinner was okay la.... *not much comment but i favour my cousin one ;D SHHHHH!

before my cousin wedding dinner in the morning there will be tea ceremony and the part where could torture the groom ;D *IT WAS DAMN A LOT OF WORK TO DO kind of scary cos everything was out of place in awhile. BUT i love my cousin sister make up and hair. simple and elegant. oh ya she uses real orchid to put on her hair *so envy ;$

overall everything went smoothly and nice which i`m happy for her even though we aren't that close but she is still my cousin right :)

anyway congrats for the both couples and i wish you all the best. love ya.

yes wedding are tiring but it is once in a life time thing to remember ;)

will post the photos soon

snowflakes

2009-12-03T17:15:00.005+08:00

okey, i feel like doing sumthing creative and fun ;)

that will be...*drum...

go to every shopping mall

and
take pictures of the Christmas trees ;D
(decoration)

every shopping mall has different kind of deco of Christmas
and i always want to do it
add to that, i finally got my camera ;)
*ngeheheh
and so,
it will be my chance to do it

this year!

oh ya, i love Christmas *hearts

laying on the bed

2009-11-30T14:49:00.005+08:00

looking around. the blanket that i`m using feel so comfy and soft with my favourite petite-silky pillow that my mum gave it to me. how i wish that i could stay in bed for the rest of the day.i always have a fantasy when i woke up with someone i love. i find it very pure and genuine when you woke up with someone you love and love you back the same time.

my fantasy is that when i wake up from my beautiful dream my eyes will met his and just smile how he sleep just like a cute little boy. then i will use my finger to brush his hair slowly and softly just to feel his hair. Slowly my finger run through his lips that is where i kiss him. when he is awake he would hug me tight and kiss my shoulder and say "good morning" and smile. we would just spent the whole day in bed and we would be reading, talking and looking at each other eyes. and also most of all, we would just hug each other and just dream.

it is hard to believe that it would happen.
i doubt it.
that my fantasy is just another dream.

slowly faling for you? maybe not

2009-11-29T00:41:00.002+08:00

i`m not complaining or nagging

i guess if i start liking him
i would lose a friend
i rather not
cos he is a good friend
i don't want to lose him
;)

what is going on, i demand?

2009-11-26T23:32:00.002+08:00

" i don't even know, my dear"

murder

2009-11-25T23:21:00.004+08:00

these dreams that i'm dreaming are so bizarre and confusing for the pass few days. but one thing for sure, it was a dream of someone wants to kill me. in these dreams i was running away from this killer and i was hurt badly for few times. after i wake up from my dream, i will have a massive headache. kinda of afraid to sleep for the pass few days, seriously. i wonder what does it mean.

okey, i just check what does it mean and there it goes.

Killing
To dream that you have been killed, suggests that your actions are disconnected from your emotions and conscience. Alternatively, the dream refers to drastic changes that are happening in your life. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of or a habit that you want to end within yourself. Killing represents the killing off of old parts of yourself and old habits.

Murder
To dream that you are murdered, suggests that some important and significant relationship has been severed and you are trying to disconnect yourself from your emotions. It also represents your unused talents.

mhmmmm... i don't know...

the dreams that i`m having feel so real i though i was hurt when i wake up. i wanted to wake up from my dream but i can't. i tried and i know i was dreaming but i can't stop. maybe i wanted to know how does it end. did i die or not? who is the killer? how does it end?

i know it's silly... i just can't figured it out why.
i guess it is just another horrible nightmare hopefully.

clock is ticking

2009-11-23T15:32:00.005+08:00

this coming sunday my finals result will be publish and i would know whether i have pass my subjects or not. i`m not really worried about anything at all because i am having holidays? i think or maybe because it didn't really bother me because what has done is done there is no turning back. wish for the best la there is nothing i could do not right. why would i want to cry and worried about it when it is not the time yet, am i right? mhmmm dun know la.

Soon, i need to go back to college and ask about the transfer to Australia. yes i am going Australia and study there soon (about mid of next year i hope). i told few of my frens about it especially Ezra and Rastam. they aren't happy about it because i`m going for like quite awhile. i know what they are thinking and sure i would miss them like hell. i guess it is just hard for them for me going, even though it may sound ridiculous for some of you all that i`m just going for like one or two years why would want to be sad about. But to them, I meant the world to them and so are they to me.

because we are family Me, Ezra and Rastam. even though we have different race, skin colour, parents and siblings we can read each other mind. *i know sound scary eh

definitely
there are some other frens that i love and care for... you know who you are.. if you don't mean you never care to notice ;)

haunts me back

2009-11-21T17:12:00.003+08:00

i find it
stupid,
pervert,
annoying,
unreasonable,
disgusting
and more more
awful words
that i couldn't describe,
it is just horrible cos
the fear that couldn't
even open your mouth to speak.

the glimpse of the past

2009-11-13T21:44:00.005+08:00

I just finish talking to my very very old friend of mine. my best friend, used to be. time pass so fast without realizing. we are growing so fast with not acknowledging. to be honest, i don't what happen between my best friend and i, we use to be so close and now just like a hi and bye friend. so sad right and i miss her, for seriously. i miss those time we had.

Unfortunately, what is past is the past could never turn back and change it. i guess we realize that we have our differences or maybe we just grew apart or maybe we weren't suppose to be best friends. i don't know and I'm not trying to figured it because what i have now, it is the best for me and i never regret it. i am grateful and appreciate what i have now, without it i don't think i would be who i am right now.

But sometimes, i wish things never change....

when it is the right?

2009-11-13T01:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i think that god want something better for me. That is why it took so long or maybe not. People always said that soon or later it would come and it would be the one. i don't know. how long does it need to take again? when it is my time to come? it is not that i`m not happy where i am now. just that, sometimes i do want to feel that feeling again and take my breath away. the feeling that it could describe by words and the heavy heart in between. i want to feel the touch from my lips to his and hold on tight with each other like time stop for just us. the moments. what could i say i do want to feel love again. who doesn't right? but sometimes it takes a great scarify and effort for both. i just miss those moments that all. the moments that i could never forget and i hope to make new ones in the future. beautiful and lasting ones i hope.

i`m not perfect, just another human.

soon or later

2009-11-12T16:27:00.000+08:00

finally, my stressful days has come to an end
but not quite yet
need to wait for the result to come out *finger cross
only i will feel relief ;D

FOR NOW, i get my freedom

but then i will find something to do
for my holidays
3 months holiday !

WOOOHOOOO

no joke :)

1 down 2 to go

2009-11-07T12:45:00.000+08:00

finally exam have started,
after this coming wednesday
i will be having holidays for like almost 3 months ;D

OOhhh YEEaahhh!!!

mhmmm.... wondering....

another year soon be pass just like a blink of an eye
and i`m getting older.

Learn

2009-11-07T00:17:00.000+08:00

human are such a predictable creature
but don't underestimate it
it might drag you down
and pull you up again

what a horror.

just another human

2009-11-06T01:17:00.000+08:00

why can't said straight from your heart
and not to go around and around
just to get to the point of it
i`m so confused by people
saying this and that
i don't even know which is true or false
what could i say
we are human
which have million gazillion of expression
i`m not blaming nor complaining about it
just saying that
sometimes, we just need to say it out
straight...

i hope it is that easy...but it isn't.

little men

2009-11-03T17:20:00.000+08:00

quite disappointed of you, little ones
you are just too dangerous for me.

spinnig around my head

2009-11-03T16:58:00.000+08:00

i been drinking heavily during friday and saturday which was fun but there is too much drama going on until my brain hurts like shit.

on friday nite, it was kind of a gathering party in ezra house. it was not bad quite fun only some stuff which kind of bothers me. it is quite stupid to think too.

on sat, my mum and her friends decided to go genting so i tag along suppose to like teman my mum during the weekend. so i followed since she hasnt been going out and have fun. i felt bad furthermore it is just satying like one night.. one hell of a night i would say.

like i said before.. i was drinking in ezra party not enough sleep then in genting drinking more and more + not enough sleep sumore equals to sick...kind of... feeling crappy now but not tat sick sick la still fine ;D

no pictures and seriously this the first time i drink tat much man..no joke.

what's in my mind

2009-10-28T00:52:00.000+08:00

exam is coming in a week

finally to determine something *secret

make the best effort of everything

just smile and be happy

those are the things in my mind now.. no doubt that i will do the best of it that i not like last time waiting for everything to fall into pieces. i don't want to do that anymore and end up disappointment on myself and others. seriously saying, when i look back of myself i become so different and find my own self slowly. Not to say i have change, i think i have become who i really am when time goes by. some one told me that people don't change all the sudden but it is who they really are. which is so true.

i know that i could do better than this and i`m more than that. just need time to take the courage out i guess.

another day pass by....

i`m just a figure in your mind

2009-10-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

when you say u miss me and said that i have been missing
i truly believe you are genuine
but what am i to u in your mind, seriously?
a good friend?
naive?
sumone who is random and crazy?
i know that i have great friends and good companies
but why would i feel that i am nothing to anyone?
that i have been replace and rejected?
sometimes, i do know that i will be replace
in anyone minds
when i`m gone or watever it is
that i`m just a temporary figure
to you.

i am so lost sometimes
that i don't even know what is true or false
that i just put good thoughts in my mind
so that time pass by easily for me
like someone i know told me that
"if we have good times, definitely we will have bad times"

maybe i am in a bad time
paranoid and thinking too much assumption
but what my mind told me
it is so true

i hope that things will get better
better than nothing right?